Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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