jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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