dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
