moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
