Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
