apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
