DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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