I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
