to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
