You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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