Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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