tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
