It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
