Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
