non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
