i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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