he puts the penis in happiness.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This toilet bowl is my home.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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