smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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