So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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