How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
