you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
