We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
