Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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