I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
