She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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