At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
