she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
