Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
