this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
