Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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