i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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