woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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