I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
my poor anus
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
