The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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