I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
