I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
