I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
