I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
