I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
