remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
