Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
