I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
