If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
