i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
