i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
