i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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