if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
