No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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