Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
