my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
